In My Shoes

It's hard to be me.
It's hard to be myself.

It's hard to walk in my shoes, to go a day in my identity, to go a day fighting the world.

I come back exhausted, both physically and mentally. There are times, when I feel like surrendering it all, the very life I've fought so hard to build - just so I can finally close my eyes and sleep my days away.

But you'd have to walk a thousand miles
In my shoes, just to see 
What it's like, to be me 
I'll be you, let's trade shoes 
Just to see what it'd be like
To feel your pain, you feel mine.
Go inside each others' minds,  
just to see what we'd find;  
look at shit through each others' eyes.  - Eminem - "Beautiful"

Pause

I apologize for the lack of posts recently. I've been going through a transition period that I'll probably need some time to get used to. No worries though, once that's over I'll be writing again.

A huge thank you to all my readers who've been putting up with my crap work sometimes and this keeps me going. It means a lot.

End of an Era

It finally came.
Next Monday marks the end of an era in one camp, and the beginning of another in a different one.
Even though I was the one who made this decision, I can't help but be apprehensive about what's to come. This chapter of my life has made me realise that I probably wouldn't have been able to make this decision alone without being afraid. I realised how vulnerable I really was, without the people I love around me.

If I were to face this alone, I probably wouldn't have it in me to.

Salut la familia.
Te amo.

Singa the Lion

So Singa the Lion resigned from his role as our national mascot for graciousness.
I know my foreign readers are like, "Wait, what, you guys need a mascot for that?!"

I feel equally disgusted, don't worry.

I'm not saying that I'm the kindest or the most gracious, but there are many simple practices like giving way, and not hogging the queue, that most Singaporeans still can't bring themselves to do. You know sometimes, I don't really blame them, because we come from a country that we're struggling to afford to live in. We're always rushing off somewhere, worrying that we might be late for something that could very well help us survive in this stressful environment. Like I've mentioned in my earlier post, it's a vicious cycle.

That said, it's still not an excuse to not be graciousness and kind; it's all about finding it in you to put aside your problems to help another person in need. I think Singaporeans are very passive in that sense that when they're facing problems, all they do is whine, instead of figuring out ways and means to solve their problems. They were brought up to just do and not question; eventually killing off whatever innovative characteristics they might have once possessed.

Now in Singa's resignation letter, which can be found here, one paragraph I found interesting is the one where he questions whether graciousness should just be practiced when times are good, when we don't have problems of our own. In short, when we can afford to. Of course, we all know that kindness is unconditional, that's why it's defined that way. Is it still kindness if there are strings attached, when we do it only because we have resources to spare? Probably not. Kindness requires a sacrifice of some sort, and until Singaporeans learn to stop being selfish, they'll never be considered a gracious society.

Oh Shit (Episode 2)

Well done me, another idea for a post down the drain as usual, and I'm typing this while trying to orientate myself back into the real world again. Weekends feel surreal to me - having a brain full of things to do, but with a body powered by scarcely any motivation of energy, I end up stoning my day away.

I need to stop this I need to stop this I need to stop this I need to stop this I need to stop this I need to stop this I need to stop this I need to stop this I need to stop this I need to stop this I need to stop this I need to stop this I need to stop this I need to stop this I need to stop this I need to stop this I need to stop this I need to stop this I need to stop this I need to stop this I need to stop this I need to stop this I need to stop this I need to stop this I need to stop this I need to stop this I need to stop this I need to stop this I need to stop this I need to stop this I need to stop this I need to stop this I need to stop this I need to stop this I need to stop this I need to stop this I need to stop this I need to stop this I need to stop this I need to stop this I need to stop this I need to stop this I need to stop this I need to stop this I need to stop this I need to stop this I need to stop this I need to stop this I need to stop this I need to stop this I need to stop this I need to stop this I need to stop this I need to stop this I need to stop this I need to stop this I need to stop this I need to stop this I need to stop this I need to stop this I need to stop this I need to stop this I need to stop this I need to stop this I need to stop this I need to stop this I need to stop this I need to stop this I need to stop this I need to stop this I need to stop this I need to stop this I need to stop this I need to stop this I need to stop this I need to stop this I need to stop this

Wake up Wake up Wake up Wake up Wake up Wake up Wake up Wake up Wake up Wake up Wake up Wake up Wake up Wake up Wake up Wake up Wake up Wake up Wake up Wake up Wake up Wake up Wake up Wake up Wake up Wake up Wake up Wake up Wake up Wake up Wake up Wake up Wake up Wake up Wake up Wake up Wake up Wake up Wake up Wake up Wake up Wake up Wake up Wake up Wake up Wake up Wake up Wake up Wake up Wake up Wake up Wake up Wake up Wake up Wake up Wake up Wake up Wake up Wake up Wake up Wake up Wake up Wake up Wake up Wake up Wake up Wake up Wake up Wake up Wake up Wake up Wake up Wake up Wake up Wake up Wake up Wake up Wake up Wake up Wake up Wake up Wake up Wake up Wake up Wake up Wake up Wake up Wake up Wake up Wake up Wake up Wake up Wake up Wake up Wake up Wake up Wake up Wake up Wake up Wake up Wake up Wake up Wake up Wake up Wake up Wake up Wake up Wake up Wake up Wake up Wake up Wake up Wake up Wake up Wake up Wake up Wake up Wake up Wake up Wake up Wake up Wake up Wake up Wake up Wake up Wake up 

Opinions - The Prosperity Gospel

I didn't mean to type another post about religion so soon, but last night, I watched a sermon by Dr Paul Choo about the Prosperity Gospel that has the world by storm, and this is my opinion on the subject.
Oh and, you can check out his video over here.

Now, I've always been a skeptic of religion, not because of the religion itself, but rather the dubious people who come along and preach it. There are instances when the sermon is so bad that I'm like "Stop ruining it, stop ruining it.." Anyhoo, lets get on with it. So in the video, Dr Paul explains what the Prosperity Gospel is about and how easy it is to quote a passage from the Bible out of context to justify anything you're trying to preach. But even way before this, I've always had my doubts about the Prosperity Gospel, or PG for short now, since I'm a lazy motherfucker.

For those of you who're asking, what exactly is PG then? It basically teaches us that God wants us to be abundant, both in health and in wealth, and to not possess either of them is a curse that has to be broken. It's really as easy as believing what the Bible says, and we'll be oh so blessed. Of course this attracts so many people, it's what the world needs today, the two most fundamental and essential things in life, RIGHT?
That's very true, if you're a part of the materialistic society.

Putting my own fuck-the-world beliefs aside, I personally think it's a little weird for God to actually talk about wealth and health in the Bible seeing as how the gist about the Bible was quite the opposite. THEN, there's this one parable about a rich man who asked Jesus about what he needed to do to go to heaven and have eternal life. Jesus then told him to follow the Commandments and to give up all his riches to the poor. The man basically told Jesus that he had done the first requirement, but was unable to do the second as he didn't want to surrender his wealth. Jesus then proceeded to tell his disciples who were standing there, "It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter heaven." There are actually quite a handful of verses suggesting that Jesus wasn't really a fan of material wealth, as he himself came down as a poor man too. So question - why the hell would Jesus promote material wealth? Moreover, what kind of religion would it be, if it was solely based on the flimsy promises of personal gain?

Although Christianity is all about receiving salvation from God by accepting him into your life, it doesn't mean that he is also there to dispense money and health for your own pleasure. God is not your ATM, stop treating him like one. Then there's also this practice that comes with the GP, that the more you tithe, the more you'll receive. This is also just as weird, and it amazes me how some people seem to have forgotten what tithing means. And no, it's not some investment fund where you deposit your money in it and take it back and more a couple months later. In that case, why call it a church, might as well be just another investment firm.
It's about giving freely to aid the expansion and development of the church. In a certain church though, it has become the 'Help the Sunrise in Hollywood' fund instead. Hope the bold helps you understand what I mean though, if it wasn't already obvious enough.

That said, I think the reason why GP is so popular is because it doesn't preach about dealing with adversaries that come your way. And it works like a charm with society because it has developed this escapist mentality, that "oh if something bad comes my way, it's just a curse that I need to break with some faith in God.", which is bullshit, because adversaries are there so we can learn and upgrade ourselves, and how the fuck do you expect to do that if you sit on your ass all day praying to God and reading the Bible? Sometimes, you need to get out there and do something as well. Christianity isn't some kind of spoon-feeding religion where you just come in and expect God to do every single thing for you, like a babysitter that feeds you, clothes you, wipes your bum for you, blablabla. Did i also mention that God probably doesn't like lazy people either? In a way, GP is preached by lazy pastors who got sick of resistance and wanted an easy way to attract believers.

Even though I'm someone who isn't wholly faithful to my religion and obviously, I have issues with many aspects of it, I still know that there is more to Christianity than just material possessions.

Breakout

I recently had a conversation with a friend, who was telling me how busy her life has become. This is a rough idea of how it went.

N: You know I've been so busy with school and all that I hardly have time to even get a proper rest. All i think about is mugging for good grades, get a good job, earn money, just to stay alive in Singapore. I don't even have the means to migrate.

B: What makes you think you need a lot of money to migrate?

N: You need money for everything.

B: It just depends on what you're living for, and how much is sufficient for you. Why listen to what people tell you. If you want to do something, just go for it.

N: I wish. There will always be an obstacle in front of you, stopping you from doing so.


I realised how almost everyone here adopts a defeatist mentality. They see a challenge and get demoralised. Sometimes, I don't blame them, because the current state of our society in Singapore has made it this way. It is a place where people with unique dreams are smothered and suffocated, simply because there's no room for anything else other than continuous all-nighters to get into that top school, to get a top degree for a top job. And then it's 40 years of sitting in your office chair worrying about the security of your job, and wondering how the hell are you gonna put food on your family's table, or pay off the installments for your flat, or affording a vacation so you and your family can finally relax. The hard truth is - never. It's funny how the government here thinks that working til you're half dead is a good way of keeping older singaporeans occupied, as seen by their recent plans to increase the retirement age.

Umm, have you guys not heard of hobbies or vacation? It's a vicious cycle - you make every fucking thing here unaffordable and work the people half to death so they can afford it, all from the comfort of your posh offices. No wonder Singaporeans are so miserable and tired everyday. But you're just lucky that they're too stupid for their own good. Singaporeans, stop whining like bitches when foreign talents come in and "steal" your jobs. So they're more competent than you, boohoo, get better then. All this time you've spent raging at everyone, the foreign talents are constantly upgrading themselves. So please, if you want your jobs back, start improving yourselves as well. Stop that retarded arrogance thinking that you're better than everyone else - you're not, you're fucking garbage.

Also, I apologize for getting off topic and sounding like I'm pissed off. I'm not, but it's quite amusing to think that there are people out there with such ridiculous mindsets.

As for the conversation I had with my friend, this is what happens when you're stuck in the system for so long. You want to get out, but the stampede of people in the rat race kinda ushers you on. But enough is enough. For those of you who don't get Newton's Law of Motion that every action has an equal and opposite reaction, it really means that for everything you want to do in life, there's a price to pay, something that you're unwilling to endure. It then becomes an opposition. What happens when you're willing to pay the price then? You break the law, because when you go along with the opposition, it's no longer an opposition.

Quit following the law, and you'll be free.

Description

Today, I wanna talk about my inability to write long stories. If you've been reading my posts, you'll notice that they're all really short; and while I'm not obsessed with lengthening what I write, I realise that this is a skill that I'll have to pick up sooner or later in my writing career.

Without further ado, here's a list of my shortcomings when it comes to writing stories.
There are supposed to be more than this but I'm pretty damn sleepy right now, sorry >:

I'm not good with names -
Most of my characters don't have names. I'm kinda trying to justify this as a writing style, so readers would stop focusing so much on the unnecessary details and pay more attention to the story itself, but I had a change of heart after realising how ridiculously stupid it sounded. Additionally, I'm extremely picky about names. Probably about 90% of the names that come up in my mind sound really weird; it's like most of them are meant to be slapped on characters of a funny story. Here, observe - what do you think of when I mention, "Tom, Peter, Jake, Jerry, Edward," just to name a few. Although it might be from watching too much cartoons when I was younger.. sue me. And although I really like my stories better if my characters are nameless, even more so in short stories because I can get away with it, names will be more important when it comes to writing a book.

Not a big fan of descriptions -
Now I'm not saying that I dislike descriptions, but can you imagine a whole thousand-word paragraph with a huge bulk of it just being descriptions of various things; how boring would that be? The trick is to describe just enough for readers to visualise the rest of the scene themselves. Being a reader myself, I don't want three paragraphs of how a market looks like. Good descriptions are short, but allows me to create the rest of the scene with my imagination. That, to me, is what separates good writers from the amateurs.

Perfectionist -
I don't want to make it seem like I'm bragging like it's something to be proud of. Well maybe it is, in small dosages, but sometimes, I can delete entire stories when I reread them and feel like they no longer flow like I initially thought they would. More than anything else, I find myself hooked on stories with sentences that get along well with each other. Since then, I try my best to ensure that my posts; be it stories or just a simple rant, end up the same way. Just in case you're wondering, one such writer whom I absolutely admire is Lisa Foiles. Here's one of her many amazing articles - CLEEK ME
Oh and for the record, I don't like her just for her huge boobs. Just saying.

With that, you now know why I don't update as often as I'd like to, and why they usually end up short. I've always found reasons to justify myself, until actually attempting to write a book got me thinking that not only do I have a long way to go, I have an entire mountain to climb.

Wish me luck!

Prologue

Start Transmission - (static)Fugitive report. Serial number 64739, has escaped the facility (static). Captured for multiple counts of (static) murder, abduction, and (static) drug dealing. Fugitive is highly dangerous; advised to (static) pursue in groups and proceed with extreme (static) caution.

Repeat.

Start Transmission - Fugitive report (static)...

The broken computerized voice continuously echoed throughout the compound. Of course, nobody was listening to it; that's because no one was around.

The facility was abandoned, but it wasn't always so. Not too long ago, it was a place where gifted scientists conducted experiments of all kinds;  pharmaceutical drugs, biochemical research, nanotechnology  - you name it, they've done it.

Styx Research Facility - in pure, platinum blocks greeted all who approached the main entrance. You won't see them anymore; they've been stolen by petty thieves ever since it shut down. Bright lights illuminated the compound the night before, but everything was taken away the following morning. All two hundred and fifty employees packed their bags and left, without an indication of why they have to leave, or where they were headed to.

All that was left were rows of work desks in their proper positions; and a few lit emergency lights coupled with the occasional splutters of sparks from loose wires hanging dangerously low from the ceiling.

Styx was the model of success for any organisation; a financial titan, an ostensibly benevolent cologomerate.    

Unstoppable.

Infallible.

Until Subject 64739 broke free.

Ideal

You know, I wrote a whole bunch of stuff here before coming back a few hours later and realising that it was utter nonsense. So in lieu of that, please enjoy this 3-line post as a testament of my latest bout of writer's block.

It's like trying to take a shit but only managing to fart.

:[

Butterfly Effect

The Titanic incident teaches us that nothing is invincible, and that even something as massive and powerful as that very liner, can be undone by a seemingly worthless and insignificant iceberg placed on a seemingly random location leading to the events that unfolded thereafter. 

We learn from the Butterfly Effect that a random instance from a random object at a random time has the ability to indirectly alter the course of history - "The flapping of a butterfly's wings has the potential to trigger a course of events that will eventually lead to the formation of a tornado in another part of the world."

In the end, it doesn't matter how much money you make, or how high up the ladder you've climbed; everyone will fall. This is why chaos is embraced: all will be made equal.

Trance

Something I wrote awhile back.

Every morning marks another day I grieve over your passing.The bright shining sun beams at me, as if to assure me that it'll be a better day. Somehow though, all I get is a shiver down my spine.

The vivid vision if your death will forever be etched in my mind,replaying itself, over and over again, like a damaged tape.

Yeah, damaged, just like my soul. Scarred beyond recognition,like a heart set alight, and as I burn inside, people around me resume their everyday activities, like I wasn't even there. But then again, why should they. Who am I that they should grieve with me. After all, you didn't mean half to them like you did to me. Every fibre of my body tells me to pick myself up and move on, but whenever I see a picture of you and me,the floodgates open once again, and I'm left drowning in my own tears.

As I drag my feet to the kitchen in a desperate attempt to nourish myself, I catch a whiff of our neighbor's trademark bacon and eggs. I remember you telling me that you could cook better than that, and then proceeding to prove yourself right, like you always do. The kitchen isn't helping at all,nor is any other part of the house.. our house. Even when I read the papers, I can hear you reading parts of it aloud.

My day ended right when it began. I wake up trying to pick up the pieces, only to return with the dread that there're more lying around. The only thing I could think of was the day I stood in front of the mangled remains of a car with my heart in my mouth. It had to be a joke, I just knew it. You would come out from behind a nearby tree calling my name. The person behind the wheel wasn't you. The blood that stained your beautiful white blouse wasn't yours. The doctor who called for me upon emerging from the operating theatre wasn't real. You should've been here, sleeping soundly while I held you in my arms.

Even today, my eyes see but my mind refuses to register. But somewhere in my unconvinced heart, I feel a faint tug, suggesting that I'll never be able to touch your silky soft skin for as long as I live. But the notion of suicide never crossed my mind. For if I die, I might never see your face again.At the very least, I can smell your favorite perfume, look through our photos, and watch our favorite shows. Sometimes, I can feel that special warmth only you are capable of giving, and sometimes, I can't feel anything at all,just the morning breeze caressing my face. It's like you're drifting in and out, making sure I'm okay.

I guess you'll never be able to hear these words that depart my lips, as much as I want you to.

I miss you.

Parents

Now don't get me wrong, I love my parents and I'd definitely take care of them even when they're old and grey. But where does one draw the line in being filial?

Here, let me paint a scenario: you want to backpack with a friend abroad, but your parents won't let you because they're afraid for your safety. 

It's a simple analogy, but it's something most of us have experienced in one way or another. Out of respect, you give in and listen to them. They're not doing anything wrong; they're just worried because they care for you, even though you know that deep inside, it's not something easy to swallow. Are you going to let your years slip by in "safety" just because you're obligated to obey your parents? Are your parents slowing you down, knowing that disobeying them would have most certainly led to a more fulfilling life?

To be honest, I don't have an answer to that. As a person who is stuck in a similar situation, it leaves me much to think about. Obviously, your parents are the main reason you're even here in the first place, and you have the duty of taking care of them like how they took care of you; but surely there's a limit somewhere - you can't surrender every single one of your dreams to your parents' whims, because eventually, it's your life that you're living. Not to sound heartless, but your parents won't stick around forever either, and by the time they're gone, perhaps it's already too late to make up for lost time.

It's normal for parents to use their past experiences to discern what's right or wrong for you, but it's nor necessarily the best method. While it's probably the only tool they're equipped with, they sometimes forget that the world is ever changing, and what's conceived as unfavorable then may not be the case today. Parents are humans, and humans are part of society after all; they, like everyone else, judges by a set of made up rules by society itself and therefore, completely unreliable. 

At the end of the day, parents are supposed to stop you from falling, not suffocate you. The onus is on you to determine which is it. Don't give stupid shit like I feel suffocated because they won't buy an iPhone for me. Fuck you.

Seriously though, don't let your parents stifle your dreams. Look after them, care for them, but don't let anyone stop you from living your authentic life.

Escape

It has been a while now, since I've been safe for this long; well, long enough to send this out.
Here I go.

Hi, my name is Benjamin Lestrange, and this is my story.

I'm constantly on the run, from whom or what, I'll probably never know; but one thing for sure, is that time is running out. I know I'm being chased, I can sense its breath; sometimes so close behind me that the hair on my back stands. But I don't look back, I can't afford to. Every step less that I take sends me closer and closer to my almost inevitable demise. But I'm not ready to surrender, no not yet. I just keep doing what I've been doing all this while, without a second thought about defeat.

I just keep running.

Oh sorry I forgot to mention, it's like a cave in here - pitch black and creepy, like the ones I'd see in cartoon shows as a kid, except that I'm not laughing now. There are times when I felt like it though, to just laugh at my predicament and give up altogether, but something in me kept pushing me on, and I did, clinging on to the ever fading hope that the end was in sight. I'm still subscribed to the very same belief today, not because I'm an optimist, but it's the only thing I have left - stubborn hope.

I used to be like you, like everyone else, minding my own business. The town I lived in was simple, but we were happy. I still remember the people there who watched me grow up - the nursery teacher, the butcher from across the street, the ice-cream man who would swing by every morning with his white van, bringing frozen treats to all the children.

It started with the flyers - "From rags to riches - Come live and work in the city today!"
We were all used to the simple life, so the city didn't really appeal to us. There were also stories about the city, unpleasant ones. We were skeptical, but we didn't care; we were happy and that was all that mattered Most of us shrugged the flyers off.
Don't fix what ain't broken.

But one went.

The promise of a better life came like gentle whispers and smooth hands caressing his cheek. Tired of his average life, he packed his bags and left. I still remembered that day, and more so, because that dawn painted a sanguine picture; but the desperate pleas of his wife and children not to go, made it almost comical that two contrasting instances could happen side by side. We tried to talk him out of it, but we knew that the moment he set off, he was lost. We saw his silhouette dancing past the clusters of trees and into the dense forest that led to the city.

He never came back, but the darkness came.

We thought it was just another storm, when the dark clouds came rolling in. The following morning came and I opened my eyes; or at least I thought I did, but I couldn't see a thing. Then I heard screams from a distance and panicked. Fumbling about for the door, I bolted out and kept going. I saw pairs of glowing red eyes all over the place, and the fate of the people was a forgone conclusion. They were consumed, not killed. The screams were cut off midway, like a curtain being drawn to block the sun. I wasn't going to stay there for another second - I ran for it.

Two of them saw me, and they gave chase.

I have no idea where I am now, and I still have no idea what those things look like; well, other than their hate-ridden eyes. I haven't seen a living soul for the longest time. I seem to have lost them, for now, so here I am, hoping that someone can read this, and if you are, I beg to God you'll listen to me - don't go to the city, or they'll come for you, and the people you know and love.

I hear the growls now, I have to go.
For some reason, I gave those two things names; it helps lighten the mood -

Greed and Power.

Selfish

I just want to say that, it's perfectly okay to be selfish at times. People frown at the notion, but to be honest, we've all been selfish one way or another, and let's face it, in the world that we live in, no one else other than yourself will think about your own welfare and what's best for your life.

The fact that you only have one life stresses the urgency of wanting to live out the dreams you've been fantasizing about all your life. Sometimes, it's better to stop worrying about other people's needs and start thinking about your own. It's after all, your life.

Habits

Short post, it hit me while I was in the showers today.

The restroom near my bunk has a hose which I can use to shower. Needless to say, it's quite powerful. There are cubicles, but I'd much rather use the hose as it feels better.

Earlier this morning, I was brushing my teeth while using the hose, after which I proceeded to wash it when I was done. With the hose, washing the toothbrush and the mug would have been so much easier than washing them with the tap. Out of habit however, I momentarily forgot that I had the hose in my hand and washed the toothbrush and the mug with the tap anyway.

Haven't we all experienced this one way or another in our lives: we possess a new tool with so much more power than the old one, but yet we choose the less efficient way to go about it simply because we're used to it; because we're more comfortable with it.

Great people adapt to the circumstances presented to them; they don't stick to old habits.

Friends

To Fred, Nicholas, Sehaj, Elliot, and the many other wonderful friends I've made over the past ten months in camp

As I prepare myself for a new experience, the fact that I'm leaving shouldn't be a big deal, and I'm in no way trying to hype it up with this post, but I just have some things that I'd like to tell you guys. As simple as it sounds, I just wanna say - don't be afraid.

It wasn't easy for me to come to this decision either; to give up my life of comfort here for the uncertainty elsewhere, and even as I'm typing this, I'm hoping that my decision won't be a terrible one.

I've learnt that there's more to life than just seeking the most comfortable route. To be honest, the terrifying thing about the uncertainty of life is that you'll never know when you're going to die, and I've said this so many times in my posts, but if you were to die tomorrow, would you be able to leave in peace, or would you turn in your grave knowing that there were things you wished you had done. I believe that everyone was born with the ability to make an impact on the world. We're all unique in so many ways, and blessed with different skills to go out there and make that difference. Along the way however, people become afraid and complacent. They live by the mantra, that they're happy with what they have, and they just want secure lives.
It's an easy lie to believe, but you know that deep inside, that's not true at all. We grow up with the belief that we can achieve, and we're reach the goals that we've set for ourselves. If society takes that away from us, what else do we have left to live for.

Our parents constantly tell us to get a good degree, get a good job, earn good money and live in comfort. It's tempting, but that sounds more like a robot's life than a human's. Sometimes I feel it's good that we're in the clerical line now, experiencing the mundane office life: 8 to 5, go home, repeat.

The world is huge for a reason, and to spend our lives cooped up in a cubicle isn't one of them. We all have dreams, and we all have fantasies of ourselves being able to escape the system. If politics get in your way, climb over it. You know it's funny how I draw important life lessons from stand-ups and random, insignificant plays. Seemingly irrelevant instances forming to create a clearer picture that ultimately reveals your purpose in life.

You know you have journeys to begin and oppressions to oppose.

So do it.

You can't destroy a nation if it can't be intimidated - Russell Peters
He is no fool, who gives what he cannot keep, and to gain what he cannot lose - Jim Elliot

 

Disease

I strike when you're well, when life is a bed of roses, when you have the world at your feet.
I strike when you least expect it, when you're relaxed, when you're complacent.
I strike when you follow the rules of the game, when you think you're ahead, when you're part of a system.

Total collapse - I seek it; dissolving the many rules that choke the minds of the enslaved.
Look at the people on top, so afraid of the darkness that they protect themselves with more rules,
more paper-thin defenses. I will penetrate them all.

I serve as a reminder to these peasants, that they are powerless when they are crippled.

I am a disease, hated by the secure, but welcomed by the desperate.
I am a disease, incurable, unstoppable.
Above all, I spread like the plague.

To have balance, there must first be chaos.

Christians

Being a Christian myself, I wanna say that I don't mean any offense to my fellow Christians reading this, but there are a few things that have been bothering me that I needed to get out.

Now when it comes to religion, I'm definitely not pious, nor do I keep to its teachings faithfully. In fact, some of my friends have a hard time believing that I'm a Christian.
Thanks guys.

That said, I do however, know enough about it to be annoyed by some of the things that Christians are doing. I'm sure many of you can relate to this - you're walking along the street/school corridor/basically anywhere with people just minding your own business, when a bubbly youth comes up to you, push brochures into your hands and ask if you're interested to attend their "fellowship event." You politely decline, but they're pushy and they won't give up, even though this time, you see their smiles fade a little, and you swore you could see a hint of annoyance, or maybe they're more tolerant of rejection than you thought they would be.

I could quite possibly be the first Christian ever to say that Evangelism is quite a load of bullocks; but then again I'm quite a twat so.. But to be fair, I don't see why Christians insist on shoving religion down everyone's throats. It's like one's preference of food. If I don't wish to eat a certain kind of food, I don't care how much of it you're gonna feed me, I just won't swallow it, and the more you try to do that, the more I get the urge to spit it in your face. That's a lot like evangelism if you ask me. If people are interested, they will approach you, just like how if I'm hungry for something, I'll go get it myself.

And I know what they're gonna say, "Ohhh but we WANT to get everyone saved, we don't want anyone to go to hell." Well thanks for claiming religious superiority and insulting every other religion, guess that would really help bring people to your church yeah? I know of people who also say things like, "Well ours is the real God while you're just worshiping a wooden block, a devil."
Fuck off.

Christians are always in a rush to preach to people, but they forget to lead by example. They go around judging everything, trying so hard to lead lives they can't maintain, and then wonder why people keep judging their religion. There are so many things that I want to say, but I'll leave that for another post. But my point is, you want to bring people to church, then you can start by shutting the fuck up.

You're welcome.

You Only Live Once

I've always contemplated doing things that could potentially affect my future in a major way, and it's fair to say that one doesn't simply take risks for the sake of it just because "you only live fucking once". 

But that shouldn't stop you from doing what you want and need to do in your life. When I was younger, probably like 15 or 16ish, when I had the ability to chart a list of things what I'd like to do, but at that time, I was too afraid of getting judged by other people so I just gave up. So slightly about a year later, I realised how much time I've wasted just being afraid, instead of doing the things I want to do to make my life a better one.

Now I've said this before but I need to remind myself again, that the worst way to die is with regrets. Who fucking cares about the money and power that dies with you when you should leave with one single "if only I had.."

It scares me sometimes, that my parents would, out of good intentions, push me along the "safe" side, getting a degree, get a good job, earn money and be happy, blablabla, the usual stuff. I don't know when I'm gonna die, it could be tomorrow, or next year, or right after finishing school and getting my degree. What would I have lived for then, studying my ass off, serving in the army (fuck Singapore, by the way), and basically just wasting my entire life away. Society says that a person who just goes out and has fun is wasting his life, but that's exactly what people need to do. There are so many things out there, waiting for us, and quite honestly, no one's really gonna stop us from taking what the world has to offer. If you want to travel, stop sitting your ass down at home, get the fuck out and go there.

It's a good thing that I don't have the ability to know what my future holds, because knowing takes away all the fun. Let's backtrack a little for a short opinion-peppered rant. Why on earth would Adam and Eve think that being God is a good thing. If I knew every fucking thing that was gonna happen, I'd be bored to shit. I don't want to experience something and go, "Oh fuck I've already seen that, so no biggie."

I'm not good at writing long posts, which coincidentally, is something I'd wanna do eventually. I've wasted a good 5 years being afraid of everything, and tonight, I (and hopefully you) will make a point to stop doing that. Stop being afraid of how others will judge me, and to stop wasting my precious time trying to be the person that society wants me to be. I'll start doing the things that I wanna do, and fuck everyone who has a problem with that. I won't give a shit, and neither should you.

It's time to make a difference.
You only live once.

I Believed

I never understood how I came to believe in a high power - or rather what motivated me to wager my life that there was even one.

I grew up in a Christian family, with wonderful, god-fearing parents guiding me - quite literally - along the baby steps of my life. Enter my house and you'll find it modestly decorated, with a wooden plaque of the Ten Commandments sitting comfortably in the middle of the display panel, along with various souvenirs that my parents picked up along the way; well, before I was born. If there was anything that I vividly remembered from my childhood, it would be the countless instances that my parents (mostly my mother) would read bedtime stories to me as I lay tucked in my bed. Like most children, I was fascinated by the numerous miraculous deeds that the bearded man - or at least that's how illustrated books portrayed him - had performed. As a child, unbounded by the laws of physics or even basic reality, I believed it all. Perhaps that's what happened when my parents decided to tell me about God, and all the wonderful things that He could do, if I believed.

And that's what I did, I believed.

Just like any other family, mine too, would have our little spiffs from time to time. We still do, but that's another story. With tempers flaring and storms brewing in the mortal realm, I imagined my relationship with God to be nothing of the sort, just one that heals and restores the soul. I was taught to pray, and so I did; head bowed and knees bent. "God will answer in his own right, and you'll hear Him when he does; you just will," was what my mother would say whenever she sensed the disappointment in me after a fruitless prayer. With that came the terms and conditions of the divine pact which, like promoting a seemingly lucrative deal, no salesman would tell you about. I learned it the hard way, that there was indeed, a price to pay - pain and sadness lurked at the bottom, threatening to pull me under with each unanswered prayer, with each unfulfilled wish. I tried to cling on to that one fragile looking support by the corner. It was dusty - obviously overlooked and abandoned by many. Cobwebs bore signs that creepy spiders were out and about. I gritted my teeth and clung on anyway. That pole was called "Faith".

And that's what I did, I believed.

About two months ago, I celebrated my 21st birthday with my family. To some, it meant drunken parties and wild orgies; but fun aside, it also marks the first step into adulthood. Over the years, I tried dealing with my religious insecurities by chucking it aside, and pretending that everything was still alright. Deep inside, I knew I had to face those issues one day, and so I did - asking questions that had been haunting me. Remembering what my mother used to say about God allowing things to happen for His own greater good, the realization came crashing down - I felt like a pawn. I could not comprehend how God could just sit back and watch the very beings he loved writhe in pain, just so that His greater plan could be fulfilled. Then the breaking question: Is God a dictator? While He promotes free will, believers know better than to defy His intended path for them, as Jonah so cruelly discovered in the Bible. What then, is the point of being given the ability to make choices, only to see it crushed if they aren't God's choice. Sunday School classes teaches us to hope, and cell group sessions teaches us to have faith; and these are questions that will apparently go unanswered, but I'm somehow supposed to believe that God still knows best. On hindsight, faith vaguely reminds me of luck - we hold on and hope that one day, things will be made right, and that all that time and effort invested won't be for naught.

In the end, everyone needs something to believe in, because we all know that there are things in life that we simply can't do all by ourselves. When people rely on luck, it means that they're exhausted from all the trying, and will henceforth surrender it all, hoping for a preferable outcome. Similarly, people who believe in a higher power have faith, because sometimes, situations will arise to make them feel utterly hopeless, and that only God can help them. Movies are made portraying just that - like the Batman franchise; where the people of Gotham cast their hopes on their caped crusader, whom though often misunderstood, saves the day, yet again. Then there are scenes where he doesn't respond to their pleas for help; but they still cling on, not because they're faithful, but because he's the only hope they have. But that's enough for them, and in my own Gotham, it's enough for me too - He will eventually come.

And that's what I'll do. I believe.

Opinions

It's been awhile.

People these days are so afraid to speak their minds, and I can't blame them for it. We've reached an age that everything that we do gets judged by others, regardless of whether they know us or not. It's so common to hear someone pass a remark on another person just because he's doing something that is considered odd or unusual in the eyes of the former. This is especially true in my country, that's why creativity is dead here, because no one dares to step out of their comfort zones anymore - and why should they, when all they get in return are snide remarks and weird stares. Gradually, everyone wants to be secure, nothing else, and it's reflected on our lifestyles. Singapore has become an extremely boring place, and I hear people left and right expressing their desire to migrate in hope that there's a more vibrant community elsewhere; one that balances work and play. Singapore has become an industrial hub, raking in money at breakneck speed, but at what cost?

It's like the landlord that provides top class amenities for the tenants while raising the rent and treating them like dirt. Eventually, these tenants will find somewhere else to live, and all that's left will be empty, top of the line apartments.

Layer of Shame

I'll probably never get what's so attractive about internet fame that people are willing to virtually kill to get.

They throw away their dignity and pride just to get a whiff of the "popular circle" which, I personally think is a group full of retards, but we'll come to that later. Sometimes I wonder if some of them actually stop to think about the stupid things they're doing to feel better about their pathetic, worthless lives. It's like they know that real fame is out of their grasps because they have no applicable skills in real life to even land a part-time job at McDonald's, so they source the internet for similar losers to wallow in each others' pools of self-pity. Did that sound like fame to you? Oh wait.. guess not.

If you're reading this and if you belong to that group, then yo-.. no, sorry, I forgot you guys can't read.

But if you could read, then please, keep up the good work. Wait, you thought I was going to ask you to stop that madness? See, the world needs a good mix of people to keep the cycle going, to even the field. If everyone were geniuses, then the world would be imbalanced. So who's gonna sweep the roads, or clean our tables, or help construct buildings? They may be menial jobs, but they're just as important as fat CEOs and bureaucrats. Similarly, no matter how stupid you people are, you make up an important factor of everyday life: entertainment. For without you, life would be mundane, and we wouldn't have anyone to poke fun at after a hard day of work.

So thank you, for making the world go round, you idiots are the reason I never have a dull moment in my life. All the best in your future dramas :-)

Also, this ends my involvement in the recent Facebook drama; which, sad to say, was a little disappointing. No twists, no shock endings, please get new material guys, it's starting to get repetitive. :/

Facebook Drama

In case the title wasn't clear enough, this should do the trick.

FACEBOOK DRAMA

Now the ridiculously hilarious drama between him and another girl, whom I will try not to name, is kinda puzzling to me, because according to her, they were once friends. Well so much for friendship on the internet guys. Sometimes people ask me why my closer circle of friends is so small, and I could not have asked for a better time to answer this question. See, I pick my friends carefully, so they don't go ape shit on me like ten days after we're "tight".

The second lesson we can learn from this is that, if you wanna start shit with someone, the least you can do is to type in proper English. It's hard trying to make up what you're trying to say if your level of English is like a four year old kid. I can't fucking take you seriously man.

Look at this:

GOT one GIRL ah she call me shallow low class all because she say I UPSKIRT GIRL ? this stopped bitch give her boyfriend dunno how many handjob blowjob , and she say its OUT OF LOVE ? Knn then u go eat his shit outta love la ? Drink the urine also la , LOVE WHAT ? Who more shallow sia ? Who more cheap sia ? Then still all her stopped GUY friends go help her like they NEVER UPSKIRT like that ? Knn all no lanjiao la all Lana bite off by parents la !

YOU GUYS WANNA KNOW WHO SHE IS ?? Confirm shock. Wan !!

How this guy thinks he's popular is beyond me. It's like a monkey who screams the loudest when he gets the most bananas from tourists visiting his enclosure. I wanted to use the word 'cage', but I felt sorry for him and wanted to give him some class. Hope it helps buddy. Oh and you're welcome, popo.

Which brings us to the last lesson. Please, please do some research on words before deciding to use something deep. 

This is his Facebook name: Popo Asphyxiates Panda
Popo - Slang for police.
Asphyxiates - to kill someone by depriving him of breathing
Panda - a fruit.

So, what his name really means is; police kills a panda by depriving it of breathing.
That's cute, but I don't think he's at that level where he has the ability to form sentences of more than three words. So I guess when he says things like, "me hungry." or "i dumb.", it's still somewhat believable.
I'll therefore just go ahead and read them separately, concluding that he loves the police.

That undying support, so noble, so touching.
Hey officer popo, allow me to quote some lyrics off a song for you.

You ain't never seen nothing so rugged at 90 Uh huh, motha'fucka with the cops behind me yo! The boiler's grinding, keep the cuffs, enjoy your doughnuts sir, you Ain't gonna find me - Celldweller - Shapeshifter

Oh snap.

 

 

Guilt

I always find it funny when schools or corporations take down fun pages. Take the recent Facebook trend for example: my secondary school decided that "BBSS Confessions" was posing a significant threat to its reputation and opted to shut it down.

I don't know if they've ever thought things through before going for it, but if they think that a fun page like that poses a threat to its reputation, then it really just proves that they do have things to hide. It's like how our local paper blocks out anti-government articles, under the illusion of course, that no one has found out about the filth beneath their "squeaky clean" image.

If this is how evolution works - where adults become more stupid as they age, then I really don't want to grow up. It brings joy and peace to my heart knowing that I'm under the care of these people. Yay.

Agent

Sometimes, I'm tempted to keep sensitive issues to myself, but then tension builds up when I do; when everyone does, and that's what makes society hanging by a thread - so sensitive, so volatile.

Everything becomes taboo, and unfortunate events happen to the people who aren't afraid to talk about the things we've always wanted to.

Do people really think that the facade they regularly put on is even remotely undetectable at all, or do they think otherwise because other people just wear the same facade as well. It's a good laugh when fake people look at other fake people and say, "Oh this person is so fake."

Ha ha.

Lawless

Okay for those of you who believe that the world is trying to eradicate crime, you can stop dreaming.


Can you imagine a world without chaos? There's no need to lock your doors, no need for CCTVs, ugly, anti-crime signs, no need for policemen, or security guards; no need for laws, or lawyers, or jails, nor jailers.



Yeah neither can I.


The world thrives on a little chaos. Truth is, we need chaos to generate jobs, to keep us on our toes, and to fan the huge collective ego of the government. In the absence of chaos, people become complacent and lazy, because everything is so smooth-sailing. What if Adam and Eve didn't take the apple, think about how boring the world would be. And I'll tell you why chaos came to be - it's because of laws.


We all have this instinct in us, when we see a rule prohibiting us to do something, curiosity takes control and we'll do it anyway. Have you ever been to a store that has a bowl of candies on the counter that you can take for free? Yeah you guys hardly ever take one do you.


The harder people try to curb the chaos, the bigger it will be. There are countless instances of such blatant backfires, yet people never learn. Then again, the human race is as dense as it will ever be.

And to think we're still surprised when we see stupidity everywhere.


Too much white is not good for you.

Homeostasis

I think it's pretty shallow for people to go up to you and tell you that you've changed.

"You're not who you used to be."
"You're so different now."
"I barely know you now."

Admittedly, we all have some sort of mould for every individual that we know, because that's how we know them by, and when they do something out of the ordinary, we start to judge them. But of course, we forget that people change all the time, obviously. I'll never be the same person I was five years ago, or maybe last year, or last month, or even yesterday. Countless events happen everyday that subtly shape us. Maybe that's why people don't notice the changes until they become more apparent.

1992

It's funny how I'm bemoaning the fact that I'm 21 and more exposed to problems that adults have to deal with when just 10 years ago, I couldn't WAIT to turn 21 and be an adult. Of course as a child, I had no clue about what an adult has to go through, because my biggest problem back then was deciding on which cartoon show to watch, or which computer game to play. And I guess these problems slowly crept in, and all of a sudden, it imploded right after I turned 21, like a banner that reads, "Congratulations on turning 21, now deal with these."

Thanks age, thanks.

We can't stay sheltered forever though, and soon we'll all have to worry about taxes, bills, starting a family, getting a job, and all that jazz. Unless you're a rich kid, in which I'd be obliged to give you a complementary "up yours". But on hindsight, it goes to show that what you do with your life will eventually affect your child's as well. And that kinda makes me want to think twice about having a kid (nothing about reevaluating my life at all. Yay, let's evade the primary focus!)

But in all seriousness, seeing how youngins these days are mostly fucked up and just plain disgusting, I'm not sure if I'd want my child to be born into a world where stupidity and materialism are worshiped - it's like giving birth in a gay bar.

That said, this year has been interesting so far, and now that money season is coming up, that means embracing the calorie-laden pineapple tarts and bulging red packets!

$ 

Comfort Zone

We can't stay in one place forever; it's just not healthy. Far too often, we stick around for too long and form comfort zones, and what happens when circumstances deem it necessary for us to move - we panic and flop.

How far should your comfort zone be, and when can you finally settle down?
A: The world, and never.
Even as I'm sitting in my office blogging, I feel a tinge of sadness that I'm virtually caged up, while young, adventurous explorers are out there combing the planet. Then, I think about people back home, accepting that a simple life is all they're ever going to live, so they mull about, going about their everyday tasks, thinking that they'll never be able to see the world.

And it's sad to see how people don't see the urgency in living to the fullest, but rightfully so, given that we don't really think much about how fast time passes until it's all gone. I know I have been bitching about this for quite some time, but every second spent inside a building in my own country is a second wasted. So after typing this, I would have probably wasted a couple of hours. What?! Ben takes a few hour typing a short ass crummy post??? Oh sorree I forgot to mention that I'm in camp - just in case all the talk about being caged up didn't give it away.

So I don't usually talk about what's going on in my life, but lets just say that what's happening to me right now prompted me with this topic.

It's so easy to stay in my comfort zone and stick with the people I'm comfortable with, but then I'll never be able to broaden my horizons and to make the world my comfort zone.

LOL jk I'm in the army, so fuck that, I'm staying.
kbye

Sovereign

The crown weighed heavy on his head, but it didn't matter; the wait has ended.
thirty types of jewels gleaming back at him as he took the crown in his arms. They welcomed his ascension.

He then held the scepter up.
funny how something so small and simple could empower him to rule a kingdom.

Looking down at the common people going about their everyday business, while he watches from his royal balcony, with their lives in the palm of his hand. He could single one person out and he'd be gone without a trace.
with such power surging through his fingertips, he felt like a God waiting to be worshiped. People would fall on their knees and sing praises to him.

It wasn't all jolly though. Damien, his only brother, didn't live to witness that special day.
"I'm so sorry I can't share this moment with you.. if only you would give me the throne the first time I'd asked for it.."

He composed himself and walked out of the palace to receive the audience.
The reign of terror has just begun.

Recycle

So what's the deal with people complaining about other people dating their ex's? They come up with phases they think are cool, such as "My mother taught me to give my used toys to the needy.", or "I'm eating a sandwich, want those leftovers too?"

If you're one of those people, then I pose this question: Why do you bitch so much about it? If you're the one who got dumped by him or her, stop being bitter and get over yourselves. But judging from some of the lame phases you nerds come up with, you're probably the one who called it off. If so, bitching about it just makes you a hypocrite. If you have a problem with other people eating your "leftovers", then maybe you shouldn't have called it off, dumbass.

And I thought I was stupid back in the day. God damn.

Anyway, aporogy for late post. I've had an extremely busy week and to top it off, I'm sick as a dog. yay life!
But I'll try to post tidbit sized ones when I'm a complete blank, like now. We'll see.

Intermission

Welcome to another episode of Ben's Life is So Sporadically Interesting!

I like how some people announce that they'd start the new year on a fresh note, but hours after doing so,
they rant and rave about how miserable their lives are.

I think they're addicted to the pity they get from other people stupid enough to give it to them. It's like they've become e-beggars. "Please take pity on my pathetic life, and please give me sound advice so I can take a shit on it and tell you that you'll never understand me." Boys, please stop thinking with your penises. Liking a chick's status or expressing how sorry you feel for them won't get you the stuff you're looking for. And you worms aren't exactly giving them the help you think you're giving.

I feel old when I refer to these people as "today's generation", but god damn, am I glad not to be a part of their little group of circlejerking butt buddies.

Short rant today, I'll probably post something different next time.
I wonder how your week will be; other than the concrete fact that it will be heaps better than mine.
Please take pity on my pathetic life.
LOL

Dawn

It's not a fresh start like so many claim the new year to be. Well, that's true on paper, but really, it's just a continuation from where we left of in 2012.

Now, I don't mean to be a party pooper and take a shit on everyone else's optimism, because the Placebo effect works at times, and most certainly, the day set aside to celebrate that welcoming of the new year is beneficial for me - yay public holidays. But realistically speaking, it's just another day. I hate coming up with new year's resolutions, and rightfully so. You see, when you have that enthusiasm to start anew, you'll come up with a million and one things to do. You've experienced it on a smaller scale; like when you wake up feeling good, like the "today's gonna be a good day" feeling and then you get up and plan to do this and that, but as the day progresses you find yourself slowly slipping away from the proposed tasks at hand. It's not your fault because enthusiasm dies out quickly.

Most people don't know the difference, because at the end of the day, it's not enthusiasm that keeps you going, but passion. Passion lies deeper in you and not just skimming the surface. Passion gives you the drive to do things, the desire to get things done.

So I've resolved not to bother with resolutions, but to keep going.
Besides, isn't it better to put those plans into action instead of coming up with a list of those plans?
Talk about counter-productivity.

But that said,
HAPPY NEW YEAR GUISE.