I Believed

I never understood how I came to believe in a high power - or rather what motivated me to wager my life that there was even one.

I grew up in a Christian family, with wonderful, god-fearing parents guiding me - quite literally - along the baby steps of my life. Enter my house and you'll find it modestly decorated, with a wooden plaque of the Ten Commandments sitting comfortably in the middle of the display panel, along with various souvenirs that my parents picked up along the way; well, before I was born. If there was anything that I vividly remembered from my childhood, it would be the countless instances that my parents (mostly my mother) would read bedtime stories to me as I lay tucked in my bed. Like most children, I was fascinated by the numerous miraculous deeds that the bearded man - or at least that's how illustrated books portrayed him - had performed. As a child, unbounded by the laws of physics or even basic reality, I believed it all. Perhaps that's what happened when my parents decided to tell me about God, and all the wonderful things that He could do, if I believed.

And that's what I did, I believed.

Just like any other family, mine too, would have our little spiffs from time to time. We still do, but that's another story. With tempers flaring and storms brewing in the mortal realm, I imagined my relationship with God to be nothing of the sort, just one that heals and restores the soul. I was taught to pray, and so I did; head bowed and knees bent. "God will answer in his own right, and you'll hear Him when he does; you just will," was what my mother would say whenever she sensed the disappointment in me after a fruitless prayer. With that came the terms and conditions of the divine pact which, like promoting a seemingly lucrative deal, no salesman would tell you about. I learned it the hard way, that there was indeed, a price to pay - pain and sadness lurked at the bottom, threatening to pull me under with each unanswered prayer, with each unfulfilled wish. I tried to cling on to that one fragile looking support by the corner. It was dusty - obviously overlooked and abandoned by many. Cobwebs bore signs that creepy spiders were out and about. I gritted my teeth and clung on anyway. That pole was called "Faith".

And that's what I did, I believed.

About two months ago, I celebrated my 21st birthday with my family. To some, it meant drunken parties and wild orgies; but fun aside, it also marks the first step into adulthood. Over the years, I tried dealing with my religious insecurities by chucking it aside, and pretending that everything was still alright. Deep inside, I knew I had to face those issues one day, and so I did - asking questions that had been haunting me. Remembering what my mother used to say about God allowing things to happen for His own greater good, the realization came crashing down - I felt like a pawn. I could not comprehend how God could just sit back and watch the very beings he loved writhe in pain, just so that His greater plan could be fulfilled. Then the breaking question: Is God a dictator? While He promotes free will, believers know better than to defy His intended path for them, as Jonah so cruelly discovered in the Bible. What then, is the point of being given the ability to make choices, only to see it crushed if they aren't God's choice. Sunday School classes teaches us to hope, and cell group sessions teaches us to have faith; and these are questions that will apparently go unanswered, but I'm somehow supposed to believe that God still knows best. On hindsight, faith vaguely reminds me of luck - we hold on and hope that one day, things will be made right, and that all that time and effort invested won't be for naught.

In the end, everyone needs something to believe in, because we all know that there are things in life that we simply can't do all by ourselves. When people rely on luck, it means that they're exhausted from all the trying, and will henceforth surrender it all, hoping for a preferable outcome. Similarly, people who believe in a higher power have faith, because sometimes, situations will arise to make them feel utterly hopeless, and that only God can help them. Movies are made portraying just that - like the Batman franchise; where the people of Gotham cast their hopes on their caped crusader, whom though often misunderstood, saves the day, yet again. Then there are scenes where he doesn't respond to their pleas for help; but they still cling on, not because they're faithful, but because he's the only hope they have. But that's enough for them, and in my own Gotham, it's enough for me too - He will eventually come.

And that's what I'll do. I believe.

Opinions

It's been awhile.

People these days are so afraid to speak their minds, and I can't blame them for it. We've reached an age that everything that we do gets judged by others, regardless of whether they know us or not. It's so common to hear someone pass a remark on another person just because he's doing something that is considered odd or unusual in the eyes of the former. This is especially true in my country, that's why creativity is dead here, because no one dares to step out of their comfort zones anymore - and why should they, when all they get in return are snide remarks and weird stares. Gradually, everyone wants to be secure, nothing else, and it's reflected on our lifestyles. Singapore has become an extremely boring place, and I hear people left and right expressing their desire to migrate in hope that there's a more vibrant community elsewhere; one that balances work and play. Singapore has become an industrial hub, raking in money at breakneck speed, but at what cost?

It's like the landlord that provides top class amenities for the tenants while raising the rent and treating them like dirt. Eventually, these tenants will find somewhere else to live, and all that's left will be empty, top of the line apartments.

Layer of Shame

I'll probably never get what's so attractive about internet fame that people are willing to virtually kill to get.

They throw away their dignity and pride just to get a whiff of the "popular circle" which, I personally think is a group full of retards, but we'll come to that later. Sometimes I wonder if some of them actually stop to think about the stupid things they're doing to feel better about their pathetic, worthless lives. It's like they know that real fame is out of their grasps because they have no applicable skills in real life to even land a part-time job at McDonald's, so they source the internet for similar losers to wallow in each others' pools of self-pity. Did that sound like fame to you? Oh wait.. guess not.

If you're reading this and if you belong to that group, then yo-.. no, sorry, I forgot you guys can't read.

But if you could read, then please, keep up the good work. Wait, you thought I was going to ask you to stop that madness? See, the world needs a good mix of people to keep the cycle going, to even the field. If everyone were geniuses, then the world would be imbalanced. So who's gonna sweep the roads, or clean our tables, or help construct buildings? They may be menial jobs, but they're just as important as fat CEOs and bureaucrats. Similarly, no matter how stupid you people are, you make up an important factor of everyday life: entertainment. For without you, life would be mundane, and we wouldn't have anyone to poke fun at after a hard day of work.

So thank you, for making the world go round, you idiots are the reason I never have a dull moment in my life. All the best in your future dramas :-)

Also, this ends my involvement in the recent Facebook drama; which, sad to say, was a little disappointing. No twists, no shock endings, please get new material guys, it's starting to get repetitive. :/

Facebook Drama

In case the title wasn't clear enough, this should do the trick.

FACEBOOK DRAMA

Now the ridiculously hilarious drama between him and another girl, whom I will try not to name, is kinda puzzling to me, because according to her, they were once friends. Well so much for friendship on the internet guys. Sometimes people ask me why my closer circle of friends is so small, and I could not have asked for a better time to answer this question. See, I pick my friends carefully, so they don't go ape shit on me like ten days after we're "tight".

The second lesson we can learn from this is that, if you wanna start shit with someone, the least you can do is to type in proper English. It's hard trying to make up what you're trying to say if your level of English is like a four year old kid. I can't fucking take you seriously man.

Look at this:

GOT one GIRL ah she call me shallow low class all because she say I UPSKIRT GIRL ? this stopped bitch give her boyfriend dunno how many handjob blowjob , and she say its OUT OF LOVE ? Knn then u go eat his shit outta love la ? Drink the urine also la , LOVE WHAT ? Who more shallow sia ? Who more cheap sia ? Then still all her stopped GUY friends go help her like they NEVER UPSKIRT like that ? Knn all no lanjiao la all Lana bite off by parents la !

YOU GUYS WANNA KNOW WHO SHE IS ?? Confirm shock. Wan !!

How this guy thinks he's popular is beyond me. It's like a monkey who screams the loudest when he gets the most bananas from tourists visiting his enclosure. I wanted to use the word 'cage', but I felt sorry for him and wanted to give him some class. Hope it helps buddy. Oh and you're welcome, popo.

Which brings us to the last lesson. Please, please do some research on words before deciding to use something deep. 

This is his Facebook name: Popo Asphyxiates Panda
Popo - Slang for police.
Asphyxiates - to kill someone by depriving him of breathing
Panda - a fruit.

So, what his name really means is; police kills a panda by depriving it of breathing.
That's cute, but I don't think he's at that level where he has the ability to form sentences of more than three words. So I guess when he says things like, "me hungry." or "i dumb.", it's still somewhat believable.
I'll therefore just go ahead and read them separately, concluding that he loves the police.

That undying support, so noble, so touching.
Hey officer popo, allow me to quote some lyrics off a song for you.

You ain't never seen nothing so rugged at 90 Uh huh, motha'fucka with the cops behind me yo! The boiler's grinding, keep the cuffs, enjoy your doughnuts sir, you Ain't gonna find me - Celldweller - Shapeshifter

Oh snap.