Equilibrium

I never thought that I would be part of this madness, and it haunts my every thought. Sometimes I lie awake at night, only to catch glimpses of my old, happier life flashing sporadically before my eyes like a broken projector.

I remember life as an innocent child, spending my afternoons watching reruns of cartoons and building an imaginary empire with my arsenal of absurd ideas. And how I missed my mother's home-cooked food; even now I yearn to taste them once more. I remember not being satisfied with the rate I was aging, and wishing that I could be all grown up. Now that I am, I'm not too sure if I've bitten more than I could chew; caught on the losing end of this deadly bargain. On darker nights, I dream of the past few years - picturesque scenes of stalking, shooting, fleeing, hanging by a thread. There wasn't much to remember, but then again, every single day whizzed past in dizzying speeds, leaving nothing but the increasingly alarming knowledge that I am but a wanted fugitive - kill or be killed, that's all I ever lived for.

So many unanswered questions, perhaps it's because I'm puzzled myself. Taking lives does have a hypnotic effect on my sanity -  to lose all rational thinking that might have been able to salvage what's left of my train wreck of a life. I really should have laid bare the path.. my path to destruction, but my head hurts to think; throbbing every second, flashing in and out of reality. I know not what lies in store in the next five minutes, other than the fact that I wouldn't be here for long; I must run, where, I do not know. Right now, I smell the mouthwatering aroma of barbequed pork coming from the apartment next to mine, and I wished I could stay long enough to live normally once more, even for five minutes. Renowned adventurers say that it is only when one gets lost that he discovers himself.

Now that I've lost all sense of direction, I can perhaps see for myself, what I really am..

And I'm a prisoner.

Impulse Topic 1

Talk about idea-ception. With that, I kick off an impulse post about a random topic, which happens to be part of yet another impulse series I'm about to do, yay!

Morality -

I figured I'd talk about this in lieu of the several somewhat controversial headline news plastered all over the local newspaper. Alternatively, you may view them here:

Story 1 
Story 2

As tempted as I am to share my own views and then end the post, I'll try going at this from another angle; my mother's. Being your typical conservative Christian Asian housewife, my mother slammed these people without batting an eyelid, branding them as immoral and gross; and I don't blame her. Growing up in an environment where the very mention of sex usually comes with a slightly disgusted grunt or a shrill "ARE YOU INSANE?!", my mother avoided taboo topics like the plague; so naturally, these people are therefore people of the plague and should be shunned too.

Perhaps that would be a view shared amongst many Singaporeans, but if any of you readers know me, my screws are scattered across the planet.

I realise many people who talk about morality don't really like to elaborate on it, simply because it's impossible to. There isn't a definite standard of morality, like if-you-do-this-you-are-immoral kind of thing. Many believe that black and white exists independently without the possibility that an area can exist between them where their boundaries merge. I believe that morality is just like that, because everyone's standard is different. Unlike laws where what's right or wrong (again, defined by fallible humans) are clear as day, there's no governing body to oversee the thin lines of morality.

Perhaps, for the parties involved in those cases; their only mistake was to do it here, where conservative eyes are on them, eager to judge.

Not so crazy as it seems anymore does it?
Then again, a nutcase doesn't really know he's insane anyway.

Sooooo... were they right or wrong?
I might think that they have nothing to be ashamed of, while you might think otherwise.

But we really don't know.. do we?

Daze

Now I know how walking into Narnia felt.

From life on Earth to that of another planet; everything seems so surreal.
Sometimes I pinch myself, wondering if this is actually a dream, because I feel
like I'm walking on clouds.

It's an inexplicable feeling, when my emotional compass is pointing in all directions, so I really don't know how I should feel or react.

Maybe I'm just going crazy.

(Sorry, I'll try to post more I promise.)