Equilibrium

I never thought that I would be part of this madness, and it haunts my every thought. Sometimes I lie awake at night, only to catch glimpses of my old, happier life flashing sporadically before my eyes like a broken projector.

I remember life as an innocent child, spending my afternoons watching reruns of cartoons and building an imaginary empire with my arsenal of absurd ideas. And how I missed my mother's home-cooked food; even now I yearn to taste them once more. I remember not being satisfied with the rate I was aging, and wishing that I could be all grown up. Now that I am, I'm not too sure if I've bitten more than I could chew; caught on the losing end of this deadly bargain. On darker nights, I dream of the past few years - picturesque scenes of stalking, shooting, fleeing, hanging by a thread. There wasn't much to remember, but then again, every single day whizzed past in dizzying speeds, leaving nothing but the increasingly alarming knowledge that I am but a wanted fugitive - kill or be killed, that's all I ever lived for.

So many unanswered questions, perhaps it's because I'm puzzled myself. Taking lives does have a hypnotic effect on my sanity -  to lose all rational thinking that might have been able to salvage what's left of my train wreck of a life. I really should have laid bare the path.. my path to destruction, but my head hurts to think; throbbing every second, flashing in and out of reality. I know not what lies in store in the next five minutes, other than the fact that I wouldn't be here for long; I must run, where, I do not know. Right now, I smell the mouthwatering aroma of barbequed pork coming from the apartment next to mine, and I wished I could stay long enough to live normally once more, even for five minutes. Renowned adventurers say that it is only when one gets lost that he discovers himself.

Now that I've lost all sense of direction, I can perhaps see for myself, what I really am..

And I'm a prisoner.