Hi, I will be hosting Doomsday 2012, all for your viewing pleasure. It's T minus 4 hours and 15 minutes before the end of the world, and you'll get the latest updates on human stupidity right here, on Benjamin Lestrange.
Some thoughts before the show though. Let's talk about the possible scenarios we can see come Doomsday. First on our list is the potential rise in violence around the world. Idiots who believe in the apocalypse and have in their possession, firearms and an unsound mind, might just unleash chaos on the innocent people minding their own businesses. With the YOLO and "fuck-everything-else" trends infecting the deepest recesses of the human population, how true this speculation will be, is anyone's guess.
Next on the stupid list are the people who have spent their life savings building apocalypse-proof survival pods. Silly humans, believing that these contraptions can withstand the end of the world. Perhaps while they were abused by their drunk mothers throughout their childhoods, they didn't study enough to understand what apocalypse really means. If you're looking for the funny side of Doomsday 2012, stick around for their post-Doomsday interviews.
But not all are fun and games. Students will rue the fact that they've been spending their entire lives studying. "Get good grades, and you'll be a doctor," said one of your parents. Kids live by that mantra, only to find that no matter how many As they get, they'll still fail the Live Beyond Doomsday test. BAM! you're all gonna die, assholes.
That's all we have so far on the latest news. Stay tuned for more speculations and insights before the special day.
Sike, gonna sleep and get ready for my hospital appointment tomorrow.
P.s sorry Mayans, but I believe the expiry date on my canned beans more than your fucking stone calendar. Cheers
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