Jeffrey Wang

You can see the full post over here.

Hi Jeffrey, I don't think you'll ever get to read this, but for the people who are,
I'd like to take this opportunity to express my true feelings about this post.

God forbid I stumble across this touching story about love on the internet translating to real life. Seems that everything unfolded like a true love story; a blissful romance.

LOL jk. What do I really think about this piece of shit? It's the most fucked up lie I've ever set my eyes on since Twilight. Okay not really because I don't read that nonsense, but I'd envision your bullshit to be somewhere along those lines. So listen up.

Even before you managed to get a whiff of Avery (girl in the picture), I was already her best friend. You know, one of those rare moments when you have a close relationship with a female without the ulterior motive of dating her? Yeah, that's how precious a friend she was to me. I could make fun of her one minute and talk about her problems the next. Looked like a friendship that would've lasted through the years right, cause you know, everything was fine.

But I guess I should've seen it coming, while good things don't always end, there will ALWAYS be a fucking loser lurking around in his own cesspit, waiting for a chance to ruin things beyond repair. Ever since you "got together" with Avery, it was like she had disappeared off the face of the Earth. I half suspected you had her locked up in your basement, only letting her out to eat and piss. Guess my conjecture was close. Couple of months later she finally began texting me again, only to tell me that lo and behold, you guys have broken up! Turns out the reason why she couldn't text me, as well as her other male friends was because.. she wasn't ALLOWED to. Deary me, what kind of sick bastard would deprive a girl of some basic freedom because of his stupid insecurities? Oh that's right...

And quite frankly, her presence was sorely missed as we talked about why things couldn't work out. In lieu of her happiness, I almost, ALMOST urged her to try to work things out with you when she said, "He saw our messages and forbade me to text you." Oh bingo, good sir. Exposed, smashed, ripped open. That one sentence proved just how retarded you were.

You're lucky, because she caved in eventually. And HOW do I know this? I got another round of no-replies, and the next thing I knew, I was fucking deleted and blocked from viewing her profile. Imagine the pleasantly surprised face as I tried to figure out what happened. I guess that wasn't too hard either; just dealing with yet another predictable kid as usual.

To my other readers, I'm not posting this to get your sympathy, because to sympathize with someone, he has to be going through a plight, but I honestly don't think I am. On hindsight, I'm really glad things like these happen, because not only does it show how fucking lame you are, Jeffrey; it also opens my eyes to the weak friend that you really are, Avery. In between disappointment and amazement, I'm glad you've revealed yourself to be such a love-sick pussy. Definitely saved me the trouble of finding that out myself.

I also want to give you credit for selecting that picture to be uploaded to Stomp. Look at you guys; so cute together. A fine example that the filthy are not always punished.
P.s, you look famished in that picture, have you accidentally eaten her conscience, probably out of jealousy that she has, or rather had one? Might wanna check, buddy.

What do I have left to say to you Jeff? You know, after three months working in the company I'm currently attached to, I was adamant that no one would ever be as disgusting and redundant to society as this ape-like co-worker of mine. I now stand corrected, because you come close, really close; so frighteningly close that I could've mistaken you for him anytime. To which I'd say, "Go hang yourself, you donkey-faced mother of garbage." I'll look forward to seeing you as the new face of AIDS.

=)

Guide Update

I'm now 3/4 done with my guide, and I'm not sure how to feel about it.
After a writing a whole bunch of crap, I realize that some parts of it are funny, and some just plain boring.

When I first started this whole thing, I meant for it to be all in good fun, so half the things there are pretty much retarded. As I continued however, it sort of became an actual guide; with useful tips and.. it's pretty much an actual guide now. So don't be bored to death when it's finally completed, cause there are stuff like office culture which isn't something everyone would understand.

Cause you know.. this company blows.

Real Life Update 1 (RLU)

It occurred to me that my posts have so far been just about opinions and random shit, but never actual updates about my incredibly boring life. Hence, this will be like a small little side series to keep you guys updated.

So most of you would have known by now that I'm coming towards the end of my internship, which will soon direct me to the National Service path in a couple of months. At this point, people usually plan for the next ten years or so, what they intend to do and stuff like that. I've asked myself the same question and.. I don't know. As far as I'm concerned, happiness > money, and if you're on the path that society rejects, like I am, it's kinda hard to foresee what's in store for you. I just know that I want to write for the rest of my life; what happens along the way, I'll never know until it comes, or hits me in the face.

A little bit nearer to the present, I'm currently compiling a survival's guide for the next intern unfortunate enough to work at the company I'm with. It's all in good fun really, but I have to undertake this project in secrecy cause you know.. I umm.. bash staff. I will however, post a short excerpt here when I'm done. Good news is that I should be able to write this without interruptions as I will in fact, appear to be busy with work; which we all know is not true because frankly, only 20% of my internship is spent performing actual tasks. The rest is spent on nonsense like what I'm doing now, and also leaving early for lunch.

I just realised that I really don't have much to update - living proof that internship rapes your social life and leaves it for dead.

So you know, just stick around, and beg me for the excerpt.
I kid I kid! I'm sorry I'll go now. ):

Dating 101

So, some of you have asked for the article which I've written for Teen Magazine.

Well..

You stop dead in your tracks as your eyes fixate on the girl half your class knows you have a major crush on. Everything around you dissolves and at this point in time, only she exists in your world.. and the prom(!) this weekend, “Oh God how am I ever gonna ask her out??”, you let out a sigh of despair as reality hits you hard, ripping whatever fantasies you had of her agreeing to be your prom date to shreds.

You reluctantly watched her walk away with her friends – so near, yet so far, out of your grasping hands. You made a mental note of the male friends she was with; they’re all more attractive than you and surely one of them must have taken a liking to such a beauty of a girl. That is just the tip of the iceberg; rumour has it that guys get attracted to her like bees to a honeycomb. If that proves to be true, then you don’t really have much time left to ask her out before someone else comes along and whisks her away.

How can I ask her to be my prom date, you ask?

Truthfully, there really isn’t any template sentences or pick-up lines that you must use to get her nod of approval, as each person is different and hence, they respond differently. Many people tend to act outside themselves, often backfiring as a result. How then, should you go about doing it? Here are a few tips that you can choose to use:

1. Be yourself when you ask your crush out

Iif you’re soft-spoken for instance, don’t try to sound loud and hope that she finds it sexier. “Would you like to go to prom with me?”, now say that like how you would any other sentence.

2. Get to the point

They say too many cooks spoil the broth, and that is especially true in this scenario.

It is all too common for people to beat around the bush and end up saying more than they should. Say what you have to say and leave it at that.

3. Schrödinger's Cat

Fans of The Big Bang Theory would remember this, when Penny was seeking Sheldon’s advice on whether she should date Leonard.

Schrödinger's Cat is an experiment designed by Erwin Schrödinger. It comprised of a cat in a box with a sealed box of poison that would open at a random time, killing the cat, and until that box is opened, the cat could be thought as both dead and alive. Hence, the only way to find out was to open the box. Similarly, for those afraid to ask your crush out, the result of you asking can end up both ways; good and bad. It is only by actually asking her that you find out which it is.

This article concludes with a reminder that following all these tips doesn’t guarantee you a date for prom, but rather a reminder of what you should try your best to avoid when undertaking this enormous task. Good luck!

So I've Heard

I'm grateful for nightmares, because after waking up from them, you realise just how good real life is.

So Asian parents wonder why they're so misunderstood. This is why; I was conversing with my mother about getting a piercing, and it went something like this:

Me: Mom, why won't you let me get a piercing?
Mom: Cause you're not supposed to do anything to your body.
Me: So why are girls allowed to get piercings?
Mom: That's different. It looks gay on guys.
Me: Are you implying that if a guy has a piercing, he's gay?
Mom: He does look gay.
Me: So if a guy looks gay, he is automatically gay in your eyes?
Mom: Dad thinks like that too.

..I almost raged. Okay not really; but it's still pretty gay.
Love you still Mom, but this logic is totally fucked.
And I don't blame them though, which is new because I usually blame everyone, haw haw.
But Asian parents were raised in such an environment, where their parents taught them how to judge by appearance, academic prowess and what not. It's like a disease that spreads from generation to generation. So if you've managed to break out of this disgusting cycle, you've found the antidote; please share, God damn it.

Speaking of diseases, the chimp is NOT at work today, so my Monday is going pretty well!
Also, good luck to the people taking their O Level results back! I remember when I was taking mine as well. Fuck, I wasn't even inside the hall listening to the principal's statistics about how badly we've done, and I was already shaking with nervousness. (STOP LAUGHING)
One thing you should know about me is that, throughout my 4 years in secondary school, I've been surviving on borderline passes. Even my English, which I was supposedly good at, was utter trash. My all-time low medal was awarded to me when I scored a grand total of 0 for my physics test. ROFL

So you know, I was like, on the highway dropout express, bound for the great life as a MacDonald's cashier or something. Anyway the rest is history. By history I mean, never-want-to-recall-that-shit-again history.

Oh by the way, remember the staff who was complaining about the lack of holidays? Yeah she's back! This time, its about how the public transport will be filled up come April, with the influx of poly students. And I'm like bitch pleaaaase, 5 more weeks and I won't even remember your name. My cousin and I have been planning our itinerary for the final week of internship, which includes but is not limited to: Curry, lots of it; seafood, more seafood, even more curry, a sleepover, beer, even more beer, and a hangover.

Happy 12th week of internship everyone!

Brain-Numb

The title says it all - I have literally nothing to blog about, which is a crying shame, given the amount of time I have in the office. As Singaporeans would say, "Don't jealous ah!",
but please don't be; it's not cool to spend your day, sitting down, putting on weight from sitting down, and basically losing IQ every time you interact with some people.

That said, this post will be another pointless, random post filled to the brim with garbage; so take it as you will.
















..That space right there, represents a moment of awkward silence as I amaze myself yet again, by not having anything forming in my mind right now; it's a complete blank. Then again, having a desk job does that to you. I wonder how people convince themselves that what they're doing is any fun at all. Just imagine, sitting on your butt for a good nine hours typing email after email, having to deal with some of the biggest idiots on the planet, and then resign saying that they'll recommend this job to his or her peers. What sadist would pull off such a dick move on the people genuinely trying to develop in a pleasant environment where one can have fun, not look at his watch every five minutes to see if it's time for lunch (which is sadly, what I've been doing).

I think the school management needs to realise that there're only so many girls on Facebook that I can ogle, and only so much stupidity I can tolerate. You know just two months ago I was discussing chalet plans with my friends and then I realised that.. I don't HAVE a December holiday anymore. To think I've spent the last of it asking my friends if they have job vacancies for me. Parents these days need to know that, just because they've spent their childhood in poverty, earning money for their family, doesn't mean that their kids should do the same. Okay, we're more fortunate, and we're grateful, get over it already! If anything, part-time work should be discouraged during vacations. I mean, holidays aren't called breaks for no reason. It's bad enough that I do work during term, but it's worse when I spend time allocated to me for rest, ON more work. Now how fucking stupid is that?

The world is always in a hurry. People are always in a rush, and taking a break seems almost impossible to reach, which is sad really; but I'm only saying that cause I'm a lazy cunt. By lazy I mean: I do work, just not like a madman. For instance, I'm supposed to be doing my work now, but here I am, typing away. But that's not to say I won't be doing my work. And no that isn't procrastinating, because I really have something else to do; in this case, satisfying my blogging whims. What, it's a VERY important need to meet okay, I make people laugh, it's public service. When I stop to do my work, I cry; that's a disservice, abuse even.

Excuse me while I cry me a river.
Just so you know, I overheard the scum worker acting cute on the phone.
It's like this morning all over again, when I woke up, flapped my fat sausage arms about and accidentally knocked my phone onto the floor.

"Oh fuck."

Split

When the world turns off its light to sleep,
with the day ever so weak;
that's when I feel you.
From a distance, gaining speed;
and then you hit me head on.

My head spins out of control,
but you're out of sight; nowhere near;
not stopping, not caring, just whizzing by.
Is this how it's supposed to end,
that I never get to see your pretty face.

It haunts me, it daunts me; so difficult to breathe.
Like magic, you control me, consume me;
then spit me out.
Left in the cold, once again,

I'm all alone.